Thursday, January 24, 2008

I Am An Angry Person

"That just frustrates me."

"I'm just irritated."

"They disappointed me."

"It's just that time of the month."

"I'm just being hormonal."

"She just knows how to press my buttons."

"If she would obey the first time, I wouldn't have to raise my voice to get the point across."

"He just rubs me the wrong way."

"That just hurt my feelings."

Oh my, how many times I have uttered those phrases. Too many to count. I always thought they were legitimate claims. But, I'm learning they're cop-outs.

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder (according to Jesus in Matthew 5:21 that is the same as being angry in your heart toward someone). You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." James 4:1 - 3

All of the statements I listed above are just expressions of my dislike for not being the center of the world. I'm frustrated, irritated, disappointed, irritable, rubbed the wrong way and hurt because things don't go MY way. It all boils down to that. I get angry because I don't get what I want.

Can I say that it is a hard thing to admit that I am an angry person?? It sounds so...harsh. But, man, it's true. Thankfully, the text goes on to say...

"But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you. Do not speak evil against one another brothers. The one who speaks evil against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:6 - 12

Lord, thank you for your grace...your beautiful, scandalous grace...the grace that covers my sin...the grace that forgives...the grace that exposes my broken and deceitful heart...the grace that enables me to repent and draw near to you...the grace that enlarges my heart to love and serve others instead of wanting to only be loved and served by others. Thank you for the wonderful cross by which all of this is possible.

18 comments:

Bezner said...

Me too, Lauren. Me too.

Chilton Family said...

Love you, love you. Also...proud of you for digging in there and being honest! It's beautiful. Talk to you soon!

Elizabeth Engelhardt cakes said...

Thank you so much for your honesty. I have always respected this part of you, honesty and authenticity. I miss you terribly, keep working on you, as I am trying to do for me. Getting there, but have such a LONG road ahead of me. Talk to you soon.

Ashley said...

Me too, Lauren. I just had this dicussion with Mike today.

Kristyn said...

I underlined the same passage in Matthew (about it being the same as murder! Just slightly convicting!!!
You've inspired me to keep reading. ;) I'll let you know how it goes, but am thankful I'm not alone in this whole new anger discovery! ;)

The Hofmanns said...

i was encouraged by this post because it helped me to understand that i'm not alone in my struggle with anger. i wrote an entry the other day that was very similar to this one...about my realization that my anger was rooted in pride and how i get angry when the world doesnt revolve around me... thanks for being so transparent :)

Becky Kiser said...

thank you for sharing that. those feelings do come up so easily and it's even easier to justify them. but, you are right, it has everything to do with my selfishness of wanting my way and to be at the center. it's not all about me. thank you for sharing.

David Campbell said...

Yes, me too. Thanks for this.

Love,
Keri

Dawntoya and Adam said...

needed that.

Dionna said...

Great thoughts and post.

TJ Wilson said...

I think having recently read "She's Gonna Blow" qualifies me as an angry person as well. Too often an angry mommy. But God sure can turn that anger to laughter... one day at a time. Loved this post, enjoy reading your thoughts/application of God's Word. Keep writing...

Katie Gober said...

wow - timing was good to read this - i teach Bible to high school girls at a Christian school and today has just been frustrating - not getting them to understand and getting angry, yet realizing it's not about me. and when we have moments like mine right now, He has such grace for me. and praise Him for being in control of their hearts and minds and not me! thanks for sharing - it was timely for me to read those scriptures -

stacy said...

me too!!! so funny that i checked your blog today b/c i am so there rt. now! kailyns fits almost had us kicked us out of cosco this morn. and then i am having the friendly visit for the month..ha! anyways, was refreshing to know i am not alone...

The Lancasters said...

I think you uttered this too...."why does my sponsee ask so many questions!" :) I did my first amends today so I'll tell you about it when you call!

mabailey11 said...

i love every time i decide to stop by and read your blog. your willingness to be honest and show how the Lord is changing you is so encouraging to me. you admit shortcomings but place it all under the unfathomable umbrella of the Lord's grace. beautiful. you have the gift of expression and clarity for sure. please keep writing.

The Durham's said...

You are so preciou:) Love, love, love your heart! Can't wait to hug your neck:)

Amanda said...

could you be more in my head right now? fabulous post.

The Taylor's said...

Our God is wild. This verse in James has been in my heart the last 3 days but I didn't know exactly where it was in the word, and hadn't looked it up yet. He had this for me. I am going to cling to this for a while.

love you.