Last night after I gave the kids a bath, I caught a glimpse of Audrey dancing in front of her mirror, her wet hair tossing to and fro as she bounced up and down. She was singing these words in no particular order, "oh yeah...Hollywood...uh-huh..."
She ran towards me with a silly grin once she noticed my watching her. I asked her, "What's Hollywood?" Audrey answered something along the lines of "that's where famous actors live." Those words carried much more weight for me than first glance would intimate. As a little girl that's where my heart drifted. Several years ago, I found a handwriting assignment from fourth or fifth grade. We were to write about where we thought we'd be in five, ten, fifteen and twenty years. At the time I read it to Matt and laughed. My aspirations were to be a famous actress married to a rich producer with a couple of kids. Looking back, I see it more clearly.
That handwriting assignment unveiled the root of a deep struggle within me--one that has worn on for decades now--the struggle to make much of me. You see, I read the magazines, saw the movies, imagined myself in music videos because that was what "arriving" looked like--that's what the epitome of life seemed to be.
But I know it's not. I know that it is so far from it.
I think of someone like Britney Spears. My heart broke for her as I watched her overcome with emotion on her autobiographical documentary saying, "I'm so sad." Here she was, the "epitome of life" having "arrived" at such a young age, and miserable. The more gut-wrenching moment was the end, I thought. She talked about making a comeback, coming into her own, etc.--the same old package of misery wrapped in new paper and ribbon.
As young women (and even older) we are sold a sorry bill of goods. Coupled with a naturally wandering heart, it is a recipe for disaster. I want to increase the chance that Audrey and soon-to-be Norah will not be fed the same kind of fare as I. I want to war for their hearts. It will be bloody. I know my mother warred for me the best she could and I'm still battle-scarred.
The Lord so sweetly placed some beautiful wisdom before me today concerning my heart's desire for my daughters. It came by way of the Girl Talk blog. The wisdom is for teenage girls but I believe it's never too early to mother with these in view (in prayer and in daily life).
Three great "deals" for teenage girls:
1. the fear of the Lord
2. mom's godly teaching (help me, Lord!)
3. homemaker training
Contrasted with the typical teenage priorities:
3. selfish pleasures
I know Audrey is not me. Her struggles won't be exactly the same but I can't imagine a better "battle plan" than to instill a godly fear of the Lord, wisdom, and a love for the home in her (and Norah's) little hearts--far from the glitz, glam and potential misery of Hollywood and making much of them.
I will be fighting to sail upstream but I have the most persuasive, grace-filled Wind at my back. May His will be done.
I love you, Audrey (and Norah), and want what is best for you. I want Christ for you. I want making much of Him to be your dream-fulfilled.